last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
