so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
