So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
