You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
