He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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