if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize