So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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