Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
