Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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