shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
two words...techno handjob
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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