You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
