Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
This girl is more easily done than said...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
