her vagine was all disorganized.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
