The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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