we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
