hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
