I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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