Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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