Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I will be naked everywhere
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize