Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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