Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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