I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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