i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
