i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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