her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
