I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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