so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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