I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
