I'm eating all of the evidence.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
