8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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