Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
