I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
