I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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