Me. At least after what I've been through.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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