i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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