I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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