I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
