Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
