You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
