It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The adults are the big ones right?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
