there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
