Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
