Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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