Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
