Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
