If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
