If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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