I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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