I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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