Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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