Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He shit in the fireplace
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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