There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
