Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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