Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
