Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
