it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
