Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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