We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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