As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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