Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
