afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
