Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
