He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Vodka?
Forever.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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