he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
