I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
