if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
COCAINE IS GR8
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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