Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
