As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
