i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
