Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
