He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
